What is the no contact rule and how does it work? Let us tell you why it’s literally the best way to get over a horrible breakup.
What are the rules of no contact?
The “no contact rule” as its name suggests, is a way of cutting off all communication with an ex after a breakup. The rule is to not call, message, text, or have any sort of contact with that person after ending the relationship.
If you’ve been through a tough breakup, not having any contact with your ex can be a key part of the healing process. Not seeing their face, hearing their voice, or getting any texts or calls from them can help you to move on and start to forget about them.
Of course, it’s not always easy to go cold turkey and cut off all communication. But if you can manage it, the no contact rule is, I believe, one of the best ways to get over a difficult breakup.
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What are the 5 stages of no contact?
When a relationship ends, we tend to go through a few stages of emotions that can affect our day-to-day lives. Even when you’re following the no contact rule, you might experience these emotions as well.
1. Denial
At first, it may be hard to believe that the relationship is really over. You may find yourself in denial, hoping that things will somehow work out.
2. Anger
Once you accept that the breakup is real, you may start to feel angry. You may be angry at your ex for breaking up with you, or you may be angry at yourself for not being able to make the relationship work.
3. Bargaining
In this stage, you may start bargaining with yourself or your ex, trying to come up with a way to get back together. You may promise to change or do anything to make things work again.
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4. Depression
After the initial anger and bargaining wear off, you may start to feel depressed. This is normal and is often caused by the loss of someone you care about.
5. Acceptance
Finally, acceptance! After cutting off all contact with your ex for some time, you’ll finally come to the realization that you can actually live perfectly fine without them. This is where you truly accept the breakup and are finally able to move on and experience love again : )
How long is the no contact rule?
According to Mind Body Green, the no contact rule should be a minimum of 60 days. But this shouldn’t be a hard and fast rule. I personally think that no contact period should last as long as it takes for you to get over your ex COMPLETELY.
If you’re 100% sure you’ve gotten over your ex after not contacting them for 30 days, then sure! You can totally send them a message to see how they’re doing. But just be careful with doing this. Because you don’t want to interrupt or ruin your ex’s healing process. They still might be dealing with the breakup even though you’ve already gotten over it. So if you think your ex is still hurting, don’t send them a message. Let them heal!
So to answer the question again. Some experts recommend that the no-contact period lasts for at least 60 days. But this isn’t a strict rule! Everyone’s relationship is sooooo different. So take this suggestion with a grain of salt.
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The no contact rule psychology
Why do so many people swear by the no contact rule? Well, because it actually works!! Here’s why:
By cutting off all communication with your ex, you give yourself space to heal and move on. When you aren’t able to reach out to that person, it’s easier to reduce obsessive thoughts and ruminations about the relationship.
In the beginning, not being able to contact your ex might be super tough. Because when you’re in love with someone, it’s like you’re high on drugs! And when you’re not able to have that drug during the no contact period, you might experience some withdrawal symptoms, like crying, hyperventilating, and literally going insane, lol!!
But this won’t last forever, trust me! After a few weeks, you’ll realize that you’re not obsessing over your ex and constantly thinking about them anymore.
Related post: How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Like For Good
5 signs that not contacting your ex is working
So it’s been a few months since you cut off all contact with your ex, and you’re wondering… “is this really working or not?”
Well, here are some signs that the no-contact rule has helped you heal from the breakup.
1. You’re becoming more independent
If you’re able to rely on yourself more and don’t feel the need to contact your ex for support or validation, it’s a good sign that you’re healing from the breakup. You no longer need anyone to help you change the light bulb, fix the glitchy remote control, help you with groceries, or open the door for you.
You now go on solo trips around the country and even start taking fun classes on your own! This newfound independence can be super liberating, and it’s definitely a sign that the no-contact rule is working for you : )
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2. Your heart doesn’t flutter when you see their name
For me, the moment I knew I was over my ex was when I saw their name pop up on my phone and felt nothing. No anger, no sadness, no desire to reach out and connect. Just a sense of peace and contentment. It was then that I knew I had healed from the break-up and was ready to move on with my life.
So if you’re asking yourself whether or not you’ve healed, just pay attention to your heart. If it doesn’t flutter anymore, then chances are you’re doing just fine.
3. People are attracted by your energy
You’ve become more open to love and ready to move on from your old relationship. As a result, your aura is now brighter and more attractive to others. Whereas before you may have been guarded and hesitant to let anyone new into your life, you are now radiating positive vibes that draw people to you. Even if you’re not actively looking for a new relationship, it’s a good sign that you’re well on your way to recovery if you find yourself surrounded by admirers.
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4. You feel confident and content with life
If you’re wondering whether not contacting your ex has helped you heal, there’s one key way to tell: how confident and content you feel with your life. When you’re still hung up on an ex, it’s tough to feel good about yourself and your life circumstances. After all, if things were really great, you wouldn’t be obsessing over someone who is no longer a part of your life.
But when you’ve finally moved on, you’ll find that you’re able to take a step back and see the good in your life, even when things aren’t going perfectly. So if you’re feeling pretty damn content with where you’re at in life, it’s a good sign that not contacting your ex was the right decision for you.
5. You don’t feel the urge to call or text them anymore
The urge to call or text your ex can be CRAZY STRONG, especially in the early days of a breakup. But there comes a point where that urge starts to fade, and you realize that you’re finally ready to move on. This is a sure sign that not contacting your ex has helped you heal. When you no longer feel the need to keep in touch with them, it means you’ve started to accept the situation and are ready to move forward with your life.
Related post: 21 Painful Signs The Relationship Is Over For Him
Sending the first text after no contact rule
You’ve been through the no contact rule and you’ve given your ex time to heal. But now, you’re wondering if you should reach out and send them a text message. Well, the answer is… it depends. If you’re truly over your ex and you’re not interested in getting back together, then there’s no harm in sending a friendly text to see how they’re doing.
But if you think your ex is still healing from the breakup, you don’t want to interrupt their journey by reaching out too soon.
So at the end of the day, I think it really depends on the situation. Just make sure to listen to your heart and mind before making a decision.
xoxo
