If you can’t stop thinking about this person no matter how hard you try, here are some tips on how to stop obsessing over someone.
6 Tips on how to stop obsessing over someone
If your obsession with this person is literally making your life miserable, I have some tips that I think are gonna be amazing for your healing process!
1. Get obsessed with building a life you love
Emily Gough, a human connection & relationship coach says:
While it’s normal and exciting to be interested in someone new, it’s easy to lose pieces of yourself when getting so wrapped up in another person. Instead, cultivate and make time for more joy in your own life.
Schedule time with friends. Work on a project you’re excited about. Learn to appreciate time with yourself, and not only will it lead to greater happiness, but it will also make you a much more confident potential partner.
Create a foundation for yourself where a beautiful relationship can grow and take root, starting with the one you have with yourself.
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2. Remember your worth!
Megan Sherer, a relationship expert says:
When we are fixated on someone that we like, we tend to devalue how great we are and what we offer in relationships. I love having my clients go through the exercise of writing a list of everything that you bring to the table.
When you do this, you reinforce your sense of self-worth and remember that you deserve someone who feels equally as invested in you. And I don’t just want you to stop at 5 or 10 things on your list…I challenge you to try to get to 100.
It can include anything from “I’m a great communicator” to “I love to bake” to “I’m in therapy and working on myself.” You may take some of these things for granted because it’s just who you are, but to a potential partner, they might matter a lot!
At the end of the day, the most important thing to help you stop obsessing over someone else, is to remember that you are pretty damn great yourself and you deserve someone who sees that.
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3. Stay away from that person
Jim Campbell, founder of Honeymoon Goals says:
A tip that I have for anyone obsessed with another person is to try and distance yourself away from that person. This could be physically or emotionally but they do tend to go hand-in-hand. Spend some time away from that person and ignore any messages you get from them. Slowly that obsession with the other person will shift onto your own life and you will see the benefits of focusing on yourself rather than others.
4. Consider whether or not you actually like them
Kassondra Glenn, a psychotherapist says:
When we have a crush or are obsessed with someone, it can be easy to get swept away in worries about if they like you. This is often done at the expense of considering it the other way around – do you like them?
Beginning this process can look like listing your needs in dating and relationships. These might sound like consistency, shared interests, affection, intentionality, or respect. Once you have identified your needs, spend time tapping into your experiences and intuition around if the other person meets them.
This helps clarify the situation and prevents you from getting caught up in a situation that is emotionally unavailable, imbalanced, or a poor match.
5. Find a healthy distraction
Dr. Renair Amin, relationship wellness coach says:
Find something else to do at the moment when you begin obsessing. Whether it is watching your favorite show or clip, picking up a book, or calling your good friend, sometimes diverting your thoughts to something else is a good way to distract your thoughts about an individual. Just make sure if you choose to call a friend, talk about anything but the person you are obsessing over.
6. Stop feeding your obsession
Marlena Del Hierro, life expert and dating coach says:
My number one tip to stop obsessing over someone you like is to stop engaging with them, their social media, and anything you only interact with because that person is associated with it. Obsession is like an addiction and to stop feeding it, you need to remove yourself from access to the source until your mind is restored to sanity.
Think of this as an act of self-care and love. Allowing yourself the space to heal is a kindness even though it feels like a punishment because the reward of dopamine is removed in favor of a longer-term reward of freedom from the obsession.
Find healthy substitutes as you go through this “withdrawal” to give yourself the best chance of success of making it to freedom, such as spending time with friends, playing a sport, eating a tasty meal, and sleeping well.
Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?
I’ve definitely been there before – obsessing with someone I barely knew. Whenever I’d catch myself thinking obsessively about that person, I’d think in my head, “girl! what the heck is wrong with you, stop it!”. The truth is, obsessing over someone you barely know is actually pretty common. And here’s why:
- You’re using that person as a distraction from your life
- Their physical appearance is super attractive to you
- You’re drawn to the idea of the person, but not the actual person himself/herself
- You have an anxious attachment style
- There’s an instant connection between the two of you
Above all, when you’re obsessing over someone you barely know, it’s mainly because you’ve put them on a pedestal. And since you don’t know that person very well, you think they’re absolute PERFECTION (which is probably not true at all). When this happens, you start creating a version of that person that doesn’t exist at all. Like a super hot anime character, lol.
How to stop obsessing over a crush?
If you’re obsessing over a crush, turn that energy into something productive! Here are some helpful tips:
- Keep yourself busy. The more time you have on your hands, the more likely you are to dwell on your crush. Fill your days with activities that make you happy and keep your mind occupied.
- Talk to your friends. They can provide valuable perspective and help talk you out of any irrational thoughts or feelings.
- Focus on your own happiness. This is not about trying to please someone else. Make sure you’re doing things that make YOU happy. When you’re content with yourself, you won’t feel the need to fixate on someone else.
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How to stop obsessing over someone not texting back?
Here’s a situation we’ve all been in: you’re texting with someone you’re interested in and the conversation is flowing, but then suddenly, there’s radio silence. No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop thinking about what could be causing the unexpected silence. Did they suddenly lose interest? Did they get kidnapped?
The possibilities are endless and each one is more distressing than the last. If you find yourself in this frustrating predicament, here are a few tips to help stop obsessing over someone not texting back.
First, take a deep breath and remind yourself that there are other fish in the sea. Second, try to distract yourself by focusing on something else, like binge-watching your favorite show or going for a run. Finally, if all else fails, remember that not every text requires a response and that sometimes, it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.
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What are signs of obsession?
Being slightly ‘obsessed’ with someone is pretty common. But if you don’t control this obsession and let it get worse, it can become quite serious. Here are some signs of obsession you should be aware of.
- Thinking about the person, even when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
- Constantly checking their social media to see what they’re up to.
- Getting jealous easily, even when there’s no reason to be.
- Making excuses to see or talk to them, even when it’s inconvenient.
- Going out of your way to do things that you think will impress them.
- You find yourself comparing yourself to other people in their life (e.g., their ex, their best friend, etc.).
- Getting angry or hurt easily when they don’t do what you want them to do.
- Not respecting their boundaries and always want more of their time and attention.
- You find yourself making plans that revolve around them, rather than your own goals and desires.
- You can’t imagine your life without them
By the way, if your obsession ever gets so serious to the point you’re unable to live a normal life, please seek help from a psychiatrist or mental health expert!
Are you in love or obsessed?
One simple way to tell which camp you fall into, ask yourself this question: Would I still love (or want to be with) this person if they changed completely? If the answer is no, then it’s likely that you’re not really in love with the person. Instead, you’re probably just in lust with the idea of them.
When you’re in love with you someone, you’ll want the best for the person regardless of whether or not they want you in their life. But when you’re obsessed with that person, you’ll literally go crazy when they leave. You’ll want to control their every move and never let them go. It’s unhealthy for both of you!
Love is kind and supportive, whereas an obsession is controlling and selfish.
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Save that attention for yourself instead!
When we obsess over someone, we’re literally wasting our energy on someone else when we could’ve saved it for ourselves!
With that precious energy, you could start a business, paint a beautiful painting, learn photography, go on a hike, heck, you could travel to 10 different countries across the world if you wanted, haha!
I just want to clarify! It’s perfectly fine to be in love with someone. But it’s when that love turns into an obsession that things start to not look good.
So, yea. Whether you’re in a relationship, single, or in the talking phase with some, it’s still important to focus on yourself. At the end of the day, your relationship with yourself is what matters the most! Cheers to that!